A Week Before His Angels Birthday

February 18, 2014

I still cry everyday.  It's almost a year after his angels birthday but the pain still lingers.  I know and believe Luis is in a better place but I can't help myself from missing him...a lot.  He is my only child...my first...the one who gave me hope.  I have been praying and hoping for a child, after 4 years God has answered my prayer.  I was so happy.  I can now say I'm complete.  People who question my capacity to bear a child has finally stopped from judging me.  Luis is everything I wanted.  But God sees him as everything I needed.  

Last year, around this time, Luis had rushes, on-off fever and would have watery BM.  I logged everything.  Just like what was done in NICU.  From his food intake to BM to time when he takes his medicines.  I even logged his supplies.  I guess I was an O.A. mom....but I liked it.  I will do everything for the baby I waited all my life.  I even go through relactation.  I believe my milk is best for him.  

God sees Luis' pain.  Having OGT in your throat and mouth everyday is difficult.  Unable to suck and swallow but he still makes us happy by trying to scoot amidst his condition.  

A week before your angels birthday.  The pain is till fresh.  My loud wail when they were trying to revive you in UP PGH is still very clear in my memory.  I love you so much. Thank you.